Silence, Self-Doubt, and What Accountability Teaches
Content Warning: This post discusses sexual abuse, trauma, and systemic failure. Please read only if you feel safe.
If you’ve ever stayed quiet when something harmful happened, you are not alone.
Humans are wired to notice danger, weigh risk, and protect themselves. Silence isn’t weakness. It's an adaptation. And right now, we are watching, in real time, how silence makes sense - because when those in power commit harm, we are learning that consequences are rare.
At the same time, I watch so many women in both my personal and professional life (me included) carry self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and relentless overthinking. We learn from a very early age both implicitly and explicitly to question ourselves at every turn - our words, our impact, our worth - while watching a world that frequently has different standards for men. Unfortunately, this set up ultimately protects those who harm others.
This isn't a coincidence. These patterns are connected.
Systems, Power, and Silence
Accountability is like gravity. Without it, everything floats - or falls unpredictably.
When men in positions of power commit abuse or harm and face little to no consequence, that teaches the world:
Some actions aren’t worth punishing
Some voices aren’t worth believing
Some bodies, feelings, and experiences can be minimized
This doesn’t just affect boardrooms or governments. It trickles down into families, schools, workplaces, and courtrooms. And suddenly, silence doesn’t feel like a choice - it feels like survival.
Lack of accountability at the top doesn’t stay at the top. It teaches us what will be tolerated. When people in power face no real consequences for sexual harm, that messages trickles down into courtrooms, workplaces, schools, churches and homes.
Silence in these systems is adaptive. It’s a way to navigate environments where speaking up is costly. It’s how abuse can happen inside families and become “something we don’t talk about”. It’s how victims learn, often very early, that speaking up costs more than staying quiet.
People don’t stay silent because they’re weak. They stay silent because they’re paying attention.
Self-Doubt and Overthinking as Adaptive Tools
Meanwhile, women often internalize vigilance differently. We triple-check emails, over-prepare, apologize unnecessarily, and carry imposter syndrome as a constant companion.
Why? Because we’re tuned into the costs of speaking up. We’re observing how the world responds to integrity, assertiveness, and emotion—and sometimes, the lesson is: it’s safer to self-police.
But here’s the truth: this “self-doubt” isn’t a flaw. It’s a sign that you are conscientious, aware, and paying attention in a world that doesn’t always reward those qualities.
Your depth and care are beautiful traits, even when they feel like burdens.
Reframing Agency and Power
There’s a reframing we can embrace:
Silence doesn’t always mean complicity.
Self-doubt doesn’t mean inadequacy.
Awareness and reflection are quiet forms of power.
And there is a way to act that honors both our internal compass and the external reality:
We can notice harm without taking on the impossible weight of fixing it all
We can choose what to say, when, and to whom, knowing that timing, context, and safety matter
We can reclaim our agency inside systems that often feel disempowering
Even small acts of integrity - speaking truth with care, holding boundaries, nurturing curiosity, or showing up in the face of discomfort - shift culture over time.
Small Practices
Here are a few simple ways to center yourself in this heavy world:
Check in with your nervous system: Pause, notice tension, and breathe. Name what you’re feeling.
Journaling prompt: “Where did I notice integrity in myself this week, even if no one else did?”
Micro-boundary practice: Say yes or no intentionally in one small situation this week—observe the impact.
Regulate through joy: Dance, doodle, laugh, or do something silly that reminds your body it’s safe.
The world often minimizes harm and rewards the wrong behavior. And yet, we can cultivate integrity, awareness, and playfulness in response.
Silence is sometimes protection. Self-doubt is sometimes awareness. And your thoughtfulness, care, and reflection are quiet but revolutionary acts in a culture that too often mistakes stillness for passivity.
Keep noticing. Keep caring. Keep showing up. That is how change starts.
